XOXO

You know the feeling when your best friend called you just to tell you some heartbreaking news and spent half of that time sobbing to the point where you can’t even understand he/she says and crying over some random jerk who is not even worth a single tear?

It really sucks and it’s very painful to hear especially when you’re not with him/her personally. I wanted to tell him it’s gonna be alright but that wouldn’t be the perfect time to say that. Words are not enough to persuade him to stop and I one thing that I desperately want to do is to just hug him as tight as I can. Yeah you know those times wherein what words cant accomplish a silent embrace can?. If I could have the power to transport or teleport to his place right at this moment I would do so. I wanna make him smile, laugh, buy him two packs of cigarettes and together we’ll smoke while listening to party up songs or go karaoke somewhere or be by his side and let him cry his heart out til he’s done. Tsup, I may not be there but I’ll definitely see you on Friday. We’re going to have a best bff bonding, I promise

Paano kaya kung siya yung pinili mo? may pagkakaiba ba dun sa isa?. sa tingin mo magiging masaya ka? mas kuntento? siguro mas maibibigay nya yung hinahanap mo? marahil mas magkakaintindihan at mag kakasundo ng trip. mas bagay siguro kayo. mas magiging ok ata pag kayong dalawa.

Minsan mapapaisip ka at tatanungin ang sarili bakit ngayon mo lang naisip yon. Minsan darating ka sa punto na “Nagkamali ba ko ng desisyon?” maaaring tama, maaaring mali. Kung ano pa man yon, walang nakakaalam ng sagot. Sa huli lang talaga natin malalaman. dalawa lang naman yan, yun eh kuntento ka na sa napili mo at masaya ka na hindi mo pinili yung isa o manghihinayang ka sa nagawang pagkakamali at hihiling na sana maibalik sa dating panahon para yung isa na lang ang pinili mo na hindi naman na mangyayari. Sa huli lang talaga naten malalaman kung bakit sya at hindi ako este yung isa ang napili mo este nya.

Yesterday. June 19,2010.

Important keywords for the last night

work til 2 pm. hanged out with a friend at mini stop and McDo Katip. cheeseburger, fries and caramel sundae. ran into some friend. jokes and funny stories. Dranks at Drew's. smokes. sensual stories. sex positions. never ending topic: boys. cute and hot guys. new found friends. roadtrip. Eastwood. Manor. 1 liter of beer at Cheesecake. nachos and sizzling sisig. drunk. overnight at a friend's crib. woke up at 8. pancit canton and eggs. banana for dessert. lady gaga's disturbing and controversial music video of Alejandro. Cute, colorful and refreshing music video of California Girls. girl crush alert: Katy Perry. yay! went home at 12 nn.

All out party, all out booze, getting drunk, wasted and messed up with new found friends and bestfriends. 't was indeed a supernight! :)

“If you’re not sure. don’t guess, ASK. wrong guesses are costly”

This is posted somewhere in our laboratory. For us lab analysts and to those people who are working at the lab this is VERY IMPORTANT. This is considered as one of the cardinal rules. If something doesn’t have label or anything written on it, don’t ever use it until you’re sure of it. At the lab you must first know the dos and the don’ts and some chemicals should not be mixed with certain liquids because of its contents that are highly reactive, explosives or poisonous when inhaled etcetera. If you’re doubtful leave it alone or better yet ask someone whom you think can help you know what it really is. after all, there’s no harm in asking right?.

Uncertainties inside the lab is a big no-no. Doing the wrong steps, using highly suspicious chemicals only invites chaos. it can be terribly confusing, ‘is this the right thing?’ ‘what if I’m following the wrong procedure?’. Then you’ll become vulnerable which can affect your performance thus results may be questionable and may turn out to be the way you expected. Reporting must be true and based on the facts. You have to be 100% sure of all the things that you used and did.

Isn’t what we want. A clear definition and right label so that we can start in a good way. no worries and confident about it because IT IS and not what we think it is or thought it is. Wrong guesses are destructive and harmful we should always take that it mind. why plunge into something unknown when you already know what will be the outcome? is it the thrill of knowing that you’re right in the end?. or you just want to prove yourself wrong?.

do the what you know is wrong, Risk and suffer the consequences which you will be accountable for? or do the right thing which is the safest and will save you from the impending humiliation? which is which?.

Lately, Ive not been myself. the reason?. I don’t know. seriously and it’s kinda, sorta affecting my performance at work and it’s not a good sign. It seems like my mind is wondering off somewhere which I don’t know where to find or in the first place I know but completely ignored it and let it stay there. I usually caught myself feeling like a robot, designed to do this and that and not really paying attention to what I’m really doing. I just do what is programmed in my system and let my body do what it commands. afterwards, I would shriek in horror with what I’ve done. disaster. not a major though but hey it may lead to a bigger problem which I don’t want to happen of course.

Clumsiness has been my surname for the past two weeks. burnt skin on my arm, cuts on my fingers, sore fist, broken lab equipments due to carelessness. Well accidents have to be anticipated and expected in a laboratory setting so extra precaution must be done. It may be avoided I could stay focused and pay more attention to my analysis.

I was wondering is this the result of lack of vices?. because I’m lessening my consumption of these for almost two months?. illogical reasoning I know. haha. kidding aside, whatever is it or rather whoever it is who may be the cause of this trouble, I wish I could get rid of it, out of my mind, my system, my heart (probably). soon. I kept on thinking is it I who let it flew to that place or is it the one who stole my mind without me noticing it?. either so, I’ve no one else to blame but me. whatever the reason, I need to have it back before the worst thing happens. I must figure this out or else I’m dead. I still have hours before work resumes tomorrow.

This album is on my top playlist at the moment. I hardly liked all the songs in an album of a particular artist. Some fall on the “least played” but definitely this is an exception. Beautiful voice, lyrics and melody all wrapped in one. what more can you ask for?. I’ve downloaded this 2 days ago, listened and I got hooked big time. I can press repeat and play it over and over again and I will never get sick of it. The 13-track album offers a variety of issues of falling in and out of love, getting up and starting all over again, the good feeling and the bad and Colbie Caillat’s voice really just did it. Every song will bring you to a familiar place. You’ll be filled with mixed emotions. you may even caught yourself reminiscing, ha!. All in all it’s enjoying and very relaxing. worthy of listening to.

BEGIN AGAIN
YOU GOT ME
RAINBOW
IT STOPS TODAY
BREAKTHROUGH
I WON’T
FALLING FOR YOU
I NEVER TOLD YOU
DROPLETS
LUCKY
BREAKING AT THE CRACKS
FEARLESS
RUNNIN AROUND

But I can’t keep on running no i just can’t keep on running away from here. I know that the only way to be is to fight my every fear. I’m not going to make it till I turn around and face it alone, I know. I cant just keep running, no I just can’t keep on running away. It stops today



D'you think running away from something can solve the problem?.

I met with an old friend last week and golly she was surprised I wasn’t smoking anymore. Yes, it’s sorta kinda part of my new lifestyle. I hardly go out, smoke and drink alcohol and I’d rather see a few close friends than a huge one. Usually my daily routine is work-home-net and that’s it. Yeah if you ask, it spells BORING but hey in a weird way, I find it much better than the old life. It’s a drastic change in my social life and for many, they find it hard and it takes a long time to get used to it. As for me, I was able to go on the other side for just a little span of time. 1 month to be exact. it’s quite an achievement right?. but I think the secret to it is when you really want something to change so bad and deep inside you’re determined to do it, then it’s just a piece of cake as long as you stay focused no matter what; temptations etc comes along the way and no one can ever stop you and you’ll definitely going to get that goal. Nothing’s impossible, you just have to have faith and believe in yourself. Welcome to the good life!

Just recently, I have finished watching the Season Finale (3) of Gossip Girl, entitled The last tango, then Paris. A lot has happened between the characters. some good but more of the bad, drastic changes, unforeseen events that shocked and swept them away and the one thing that most of us are all afraid of, the concept if losing; losing a family member, a lover, a friend and even yourself, love, trust and or everything. grieving, then facing, accepting, letting go and moving forward are the five things we have to do experience and must do to be able to overcome such incident. Being able to handle and control what we feel can be very crucial. Either we grow strong or the worst, we might loose ourselves in the process. In the drama series, each of the character took the path where they think they can be able to surpass the dreadful feelings that left them restless. Some choose the easy way, going back to old habits and stuffs only to make things worse and some went to the better path; hard, difficult but worth it. the two best friends went to Paris to start anew. to find themselves and try to rebuild it once again.

Well what I’m trying to say is that, I want to have my own trip to Paris. It might not be shopping in the streets of France,or having tea in some nearby cafe while listening to violins or whatever they have in the country. For me it’ll be more simpler and more cheaper. because going to foreign countries and live there for sometime costs a lot. So for now, I’ll have my own way. Because so many things have happened this year and most are not good ones all I just want right now is to have a piece of mind, to get out of the usual things, to leave for a while, to try something new, meet new people, new friends, explore new places and environment. know what I mean?. having the same things just makes me sick and also I want to grow more. to be more mature and to regain all the things that I lost, to pick up the pieces of what’s left of me and create a different me. More beautiful than ever it was before.

This may not be an easy thing to do, but I know this is only the way. The road may not be as what I hope it would be. Probably it would not be a smooth sail for me and the currents may not be friendly but I know Ill get through this no matter what. I’ll come back with much more experience, more wiser, more mature, better and stronger than ever. Just wait and you’ll see.